State Representative Richard Curtis denied being gay, but resigned to spare his family any pain for being related to a self-hating, closeted gay Republican.

"I sincerely apologize for any pain my actions may have caused," said Curtis in a statement leaked to the press. "[Merely being falsely accused of being gay] has been damaging to my family, and I don't want to subject them to any additional pain that might result from carrying out this matter under the scrutiny that comes with holding [deleted]."

"PS: I am not gay."