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November 4, 2008
RUNWAY, SC: Noted interior decorator is tired of the electoral map
being only two primary colors. "Bo-rrrring!" says Alejandro Ffiefer
of the international design house iCandy.
"As long as we're
redecorating the country, let's do it right. In addition to blue
and red, maybe some ecru states as counterpoint, and some fur along
the coasts to bring out the highlights."
Green party candidate Ralph Nader agrees about the need for more
colors, but not about killing animals for their fur. Independents
party candidate Bob Barr also likes the idea of more colors to the
electoral map, but has never heard of ecru and thinks it may lead to
higher taxes.
National Surrealist Candidate George Papoon isn't worried about the
colors. "I'm not worried about the colors," said Papoon, "as long as
their aura is healthy." He pulled out a Kirlean photograph of the
US taken from space by the Far Out Hubble Telescope. "See? We need
to clean out our chakras. The visible spectrum of the maps are
unimportant. It's what's inside."
The electoral map will be redrawn today. No word from political
cartographers on changes to the color palette.
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