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September 24, 2008
SADR CITY, NEW YORK: General David Petraeus is scheduled to be the next
Commander, Multi-National Force - Wall Street. "It'll be just like Baghdad,
but with more electricity and fewer suicide bombers," said the General.
"We'll deploy our forces like we did during The
Surge in Iraq: Take lots of tired soldiers and order them outside
any Zone of Force as sitting ducks. When the press stops bugging us
we cut and run back to safe areas. Then claim victory."
The Wall Street Surge will be financed by a Saudi/Chinese Coalition
Of The Greedy. They will be the main beneficiary of the bailout,
which will be paid in small unmarked bills, Derek Jeeter baseball
cards and hookers. A spokesman explained the victory conditions:
Tax cuts for the rich. Oil at $200 a barrel. Complete control of
the news media. A visit to the Guggenheim. Spiffy new uniforms.
Gen. Petraeus ended his news conference with a joke. "$700 billion
in bad paper isn't as much fun as pallets full of cash, but we'll
cope." Reporters chuckled nervously before being led out by armed
investment bankers.
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