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April 20, 2009
THE FINAL FRONTIER: Aboard the International Space Station, Russians
and Americans are sitting down in
different places.
As tourists
started paying millions to go to the space station, Russians started
charging Americans to ride on their space ships. In return,
Americans banned Russians from using their more luxurious toilet and
exercise facilities.
"We can only use our national toilets," said Gennady Padalka, "and
the big screen tv is reserved for first class. Really, I miss
communism."
US billionaire Charles Simonyi, the fifth space tourist, had few
complaints. "2001: A Space Odyssey let me dream of stewardesses and
Strauss waltzes in orbit. The reality was almost as good. Cheap,
for what you get, though the creme brolee was only fair."
Debriefed after his two week excursion to the ISS, Simonyi tried to
play down the political differences manifesting itself on board.
"Greed is good," said the former Microsoft executive," and a little
competition never hurt anyone. Being weightless gave me several good
ideas for an improved astroloo, so I'm going to start a new company.
Nyah nyah."
The new node and the increased number of astronauts living on board
at any one time may exacerbate the problem, but for now everyone is
insisting it's all fine and that things will work out eventually.
"It's all fine and things will work out eventually," said Japan
Aerospace Exploration Agency astronaut Koichi Wakata through clenched
teeth.
A NASA spokesman excused himself and never came back from the lavatory.
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