The animal communicator was visibly shaken during her exclusive interview with TALONNEWS. "I could hear the whirring of a helicopter. Then the blast of a gun. Then the death throes of a mother who couldn't care for her children. Oh Sarah, how could you kill a mother?"

Animal spirits came back to haunt Sarah Barracuda, claims the pet psychic. "Her incoherent resignation speech doesn't seem as silly when you look at it from the point of view of her victims. When the Russians fly over Alaska, they don't fly over populated areas, they fly over areas where the animals run free. The very animals that Sarah Palin kills but doesn't even have the honor to feed her children with. Oh, they are angry. And the dead babies have gotten their revenge."

In Search Engine Optimization news, no caribou were present when Michael Jackson was honored in a ceremony at Staples Center.